23. It's Whateva - Bishop Nehru
Rap is and always has been rooted in the concept of authenticity. You protest, you celebrate your friends, you swag, you front, and all of it is autobiographical. That germ of the true self is critical to the impact and the communicative power of rap, and this is why I am so disappointed with Bishop Nehru. Firstly, he's not even ordained, let alone holding the experience necessary to have risen to a position of authority within the Church. Secondly I've not once seen him move diagonally.
Still, he gets props for wearing a Goldberg shirt in a rap video in the very narrow window where that was legitimately cool.
Also, can we talk about what a missed opportunity this was? Here we have a kid coming up in the tweens who wants to harken back to the classics of the late '80s. So why was this song not called: "It's, Like, Whatever."
"These rap guys are, like, so faux.
I'm hanging at the mall, all solo.
School's so grody, coach don't know me
I'm, just, like, bad bod, totally
I'm so cool 'cos I'm so hot,
Your friends are, like, so cool - not!
Psych! These stores are so not even,
Gag me, I'll motor - leaving!"
Still, it's interesting to see what gangsta is in 2016 when a 20 y.o. from NY raps Nas over tay $lay. Kids plumbing the depths of a scene they never saw. Maybe in 2017, if Demile needs more babysitting money, we'll finally get, unironically on casette, the LittleBiggieDoom collab mixtape nobody asked for.
If I sound bitter it's because I'm 36, all our heroes are dead and I get laughed at when I ride my freestyle scooter to the shops to get milk. It's Whateva is still the 23rd best song of 2016.